Our experienced team of editors and researchers contributed to this article and tested it for accuracy and completeness.
The number of sources used in this article is 10. You will find a list of them at the bottom of the page.
The wikiHow content management team carefully monitors the work of editors to ensure that each article meets our high quality standards.
Recovering from a breakup is very difficult, as negative emotions can overwhelm you. You can literally force yourself to get out of bed and do daily chores. You can recover faster if you take care of yourself, and also enlist the support of friends and relatives. In addition, you can get professional help from a therapist. Also work to let go of your past relationships. Thanks to this, you can move on.
Step 1: Combat Denial
Denial is the first defensive reaction that occurs immediately after an injury. In this internal struggle, we are faced with demons, trying to rush in all directions, so as not to accept the loss. It is as if a visitor with bad news entered our house, and we try to push him back into the street, so we should not succumb to denial.
Step 2: Confirm Your Injury
How to cure a broken heart? You should begin to admit to yourself that your heart was broken by someone , by something or some event. Take a step toward trying to endure the unbearable severity of this sadness. I say “attempt” because you must admit that your pain will exist for a long time in order to learn how to manage it, transform it.
Step 3: Overcoming Faith in Instant Healing
We want to think that this does not happen, it cannot be so, it is only a terrible nightmare, everything will change and everything will be as it was! Refusal of pain. We pray to God that we will repent, we will change, we will devote our lives to a great cause. Anything, but not to feel this deep, aching wound of pain and sadness. It often happens when our heart breaks, we want someone to tell us what to do, where to go, so that the wound heals instantly, in order to instantly cure a broken heart.
Step 4: Go With The Flow
The Beatles in an insightful song Tomorrow never knows, they say: "Turn off your mind, relax and go with the flow ...". So you can see the meaning in the movement itself. This is a necessary step in order to enable the independent start of the difficult process of healing a broken heart. Since we do not know how long this process will continue, we must learn to live with our pain.
1. Do not go around the pain, go through it.
It is difficult to live with a crack in the heart, but this is what needs to be done. You must survive the tribulation in order to move on. Do not smile through tears, do not suppress your grief. If you hide the suffering that torments you from within, you will again encounter them, as if you were in the center of a whirlpool. Having survived the grief, you are tempered and become stronger. And then the pain will lose its power over you.
Step 6: Practice Mindfulness
Buddha said that the past is now dead and gone, the past is the past, the present is now, and we have yet to come to the future. When we grieve, we tend to live in the past, experiencing injuries or remembering what we lost. Now memories are important to keep, but within reason. In order to take the next step, we must accept the present. One of the simplest and most effective methods that psychologists recommend to develop awareness of the present is meditation. By practicing mindfulness, we can learn to overcome the pace of painful feelings and slow down the negative repetitive patterns of thinking. As a result, we can let go of the pain and, in the end, free ourselves from it and transform it into vitality, acceptance and equanimity.
2. Separation and independence.
Attempts to fill the void, when you are in a hurry to enter into a new relationship or desperately want to return the former lover, interfere with a healthy separation. Buddha taught that attachment makes you suffer. Therefore, the direct path to happiness and peace is separation.
There is a short parable about an old gardener who asked the monk for advice: “Let me ask you:“ How can I feel the release? ” The Great Monk replied: "Who bound you?" The old gardener replied: "No one." And the monk said: "Then why are you looking for liberation?"
When sadness fills your heart, repeat the mantra: "I do not need anyone and nothing in order to be happy." When you grieve over loss, it is hard to believe that you can be happy without a person in your life. But you can. It is creative work to fill the void that has arisen, and you are capable of it - with the help of your inner strength.
Step 7: Creating a New Future
The affected part of us will want to stay on the floor, curled up in agony, wanting to avoid any future painful experiences that life can prepare for us. Anyone who wants to overcome the crisis and transform the pain of a broken heart should realize that the past is the past and all that we have now is the present moment and what will happen in the future. This is all in the next breath in and out, and in your power to create in your imagination a future plot for yourself. Have the courage to dream of any positive future without any boundaries. Remember, after something collapses, rebirth comes!
This is the plot of your life that you create, and you decide how to write the next chapter of your life. But in the story of how to cure a broken heart, I advise you to rush into the water, catch the next wave and, perhaps, you will be simply surprised and delighted at the joy, confidence and opportunity that the new wave brought you.
3. List your strengths.
This technique will help you when you feel defeated. Clients of a rehabilitation center undergoing treatment for addiction said to themselves: “I have been sobriety for twenty years now! A wimp would never have succeeded! ”,“ I'm still here, alive, and this is after 18 months of suicidal thoughts ”or“ I have not smoked a single cigarette since last year. ” Name your strengths out loud, with energetic, inspiring music. After listening to the track to the end, you will solve the main problem: move from sad memories to actions.
4. Allow yourself a little imagination.
Woe would not be sorrow if we had not sought and yearned for the man we had just lost.
If you try to throw these fantasies out of your head, ordering yourself: “I'm not going to dream about her” or “I will no longer think about how we have sex,” your condition will worsen even more. In one long-standing study, a group of subjects was allowed to think about anything but a polar bear. Guess what everyone was thinking? Of course, about the polar bear!
6. Laugh and cry.
Laughter heals as well as crying. Do you think it's just a coincidence that it makes you feel better after you cried? There are many physiological reasons that affect the healing power of tears. Emotional tears (unlike reflex lacrimation when you cut onions) remove toxic substances from the body and relieve stress. So take a box of paper towels and cry as much as you like.
7. Make a list of "good and bad deeds."
You must have a clear idea of what will improve your mood and what will make you sob. Watching the account of your former lover on Facebook, where he just posted gorgeous photos of his new girlfriend, will not add optimism to you, so feel free to put this lesson on the “Don't even try” list, like phone calls to common friends to find out more about him. But in the list “Feel great” you can add: delete all letters and messages from the former, sell the ring that he gave you (and spend this money on a fun trip with friends), drink coffee with a friend who was not familiar with him (to make sure that his name does not appear in the conversation).
The physical processing of grief - through running, swimming, walking or boxing - will give you immediate relief. This will happen at the physiological level, because exercise reduces the activity of serotonin and norepinephrine, stimulating the growth of nerve cells. You will feel better and on an emotional level, as you feel yourself the master of your mind and body. In addition, doing boxing, you can imagine the image of the culprit of your suffering, and how to kick him. Isn't that nice?
9.Create a new world.
If your world and the world of your ex were closely overlapping, the mutual friends who saw him last week will decide that they should tell you about it.
Create your own world - full of new friends who do not recognize your ex in the crowd and have no idea what his name was in childhood. Take this opportunity to try something new - diving courses, painting classes, a book club, blogging. Program your brain for a new start. without him!
10. Gain hope.
There is one emotion that is stronger than fear - forgiveness. A middle-aged man who had a difficult relationship with his father told how, being already at his father's deathbed, he made peace with him. At that moment, he ceased to be afraid of losing him.
Forgiveness requires hope. We want to believe that everything will change for the better, and the aching emptiness that accompanies you everywhere, no matter what we do, will not stay with us forever, and one day we will regain the joy of life. Hope makes us believe that sadness will pass if you try, no matter what, to live on, and then your smile will cease to be tortured. To forgive and overcome fear, you need to find hope.
If our heart is wounded and broken, we have two possibilities: we can slam it forever, or open love again.
If you not only demanded, but also generously gave love, those who are dear to you will never leave your heart, even if death parted you. The pain of rejection, withdrawal, or loss may be beneficial. Published by econet.ru.
By Therese J. Borchard
P.S. And remember, just changing our consciousness - together we change the world! © econet
Do you like the article? Then support us press: